Monday, January 29, 2007

Fuck You, Salad World!

I work in a skyscraper in downtown Denver, in Granite Tower, 7th Floor, to be exact. Funny, because it is not made of granite, and it really isn't that much of a tower. Its a pretty standard office building, I work in a cube when I'm here. I ride the elevator. I can relate well to office-related comedy movies and tv shows.

Usually I"m pretty good about bringing a lunch to work with me. I also have a decent assortment of snacks at my desk...bag of pistachios, some pretzels, etc...

Every now and then my wife and I get a wild-hair up our collective ass and think "man, we should eat healthier". So on the days when I am either too lazy or too hurried to bring my lunch in to work, I usually go down to this place called "Salad World".

Salad World is conveniently situated right next to our building, and as you might guess, they serve salads. Its owned (I think) by a nice Asian couple. Its just a small place, you walk in, there's 2 rows of salad-bar and some styrofoam containers. You walk through the salad bar, put whatever salad you want into your little container, and then they weigh it at the cash register (I think its $5.99 per lb). The whole operation appears to be pretty easy-going, clean, and fresh. The Floors are usually recently-mopped, and the whole place is very well lit. The idea of getting a salad for lunch makes you think "yes, I'm not gonna be a fat-slob, I'm eating salad, I care about myself!"

Here's the catch. Nestled in between the row of lettuce, the cucumbers, the fresh cabbage and peas, there's a small steam table. In the steam table is probably one of the most disgusting things you'll ever see: slices of shit-cheap sausages and pre-made SYSCO-style meatballs, all covered in the most disgusting cheap-ass barbeque sauce. One Ladle-full of this shit is probably 4,000 calories; all of it saturated fat and cholesterol. It is of little-to-no nutritional value.

Its like a massive middle-finger in the middle of your well-intentioned healthy lunch plans. It stares back at you, its angry with you, it fucking hates your guts. Its saying "c'mon you rapidly-aging corporate fat piece of shit, you know you want it...eat me."

...And I always get some of it. No matter how strong my will-power or discipline.

I sneak back to my little cube, container of "salad" reeking like BO, meat, and shitty BBQ and eat. Oh sure, I still get the salad part...I usually stock up on the broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower..but there's always that fucking sausage mix.

And every time after eating it I think "thats the last time, that fucking plate of sausages won't get me next time. its cold, its gross, I hate it..I'm never getting that again!"

So a week or two goes by, and then I end up back at salad world.

1 comment:

jay said...

Why are you bitching about salad world? Who cares if that shit is cheap, if you think it's so bad then don't get it. You are trying to blame the damn salad people for your eating rancid meat and therefore not being healthy. It;s not their responsibility for you to eat healthy, it's yours!

Suck it up Gilbs, eat the fucking sausage or move on. :)