Wednesday, January 17, 2007

its Creation science fair time!

Its almost time again for this year's Creation "science" fair for homeschooled children. If I still lived in the midwest I'd really have a hard time not going to this. Its at the Har Mar Mall.

I've got 2 problems with this:

1. They are Creationsits. Rather than teach their children good science and letting them explore interesting topics, the beat this bullshit into their brains, so not only will they be alarmingly ignorant, they also won't be able to compete with other kids if and when they ever get to college. they certainly would have a real eye-opener in geology, biology, and chemistry classes.

2. They are Homeschooled. I've never met a home-schooled kid that wasn't bat-shit fucking crazy. they have NO social skills, are amazingly self-centered (even more than me), and have no fucking concept of group-work.

In high school some friends and I used to go skateboarding at Heath Benroud's half-pipe. Heath was a kid in our high school (and I think he was homeschooled for part of his education), I never actually met or talked to him, but some friends did.

Apparently Heath's dad died in some tragic work accident and his mom and brother were rich because of it. I have no way to back that up, but thats what I heard in high school. They lived out west of the old Hudson dogtrack, a horrid place that I actually worked at, and had a back field where they built a really nice half pipe.

the half pipe was about 6 feet from the base of the transition to the coping, no real vert and was very forgiving because of that. you could ride it all day long, it was awesome. My friend erik refused to spend money on knee pads, and so eachof use only had 1 pad on. This ultimately resulted in massive knee scrapping and bruising on one leg, and pristine teen-knee on the other.

The half pipe was out of visual range of the benround house, and there was a dirt road you could go down and park on behind the property, so if you went skating there, you never had to deal with the family themselves. There was a rumor that the benrouds had a small train, just like the one in Silver Spoons, but I never saw it.

On occasion, Heath's little brother (I can't even remember his name) used to come down. he was homeschooled. he was short, younger than us. he was a horrible skateboarder, he used to go back and forth on the half-pipe without ever going over the coping (so no chance of falling), he'd do it for like 15 minutes at a time, pissing off everyone else around him.

Now I know alot of people might say that home-schooled kids have no social skills, but this kid was the epitome of that standard. You'd ask him a question, and he'd just stare at you, then go back to talking about something else. Here's an example:

"Hey, where'd you get those shoes"
"...I got a pair of rollerblades"
"great, why don't you go get a huge extension cord, pull it on down here and plug it in so we can listen to hardcore while we skate"

I think at the end of one summer we ended up camping out there (we skated the entire night almost) and throwing his roller blades into the campfire. They burned with white-orange fire that rose to about 10 feet in the air. Later that night, off in the distance we could hear the unseen benroud mother yelling "GO HOME!!!!" Of course we didn't, because we were too punk rock for that.

so what's the point? If your home-schooled, your probably also a creationist. This means you deserve to have your rollerblades destroyed, your dad killed, and your half pipe trespassed on. Now get off your skate and hook up the boombox you crazy bastard.


Karen said...

You lost me when you said that poor kid deserved to have his dad killed.

Joe said...

its a JOKE!

Karen said...


Anonymous said...

That's harsh!