Wednesday, January 31, 2007


If I ever start making really busted and tired sexist jokes to my fellow male co-workers, I want someone to stab me in the neck with a pencil.

I've got a few co-workers who do this. They either make some busted joke OR they repeat a mildly amusing statement until you want to follow your office chair out the 7th floor window.

I'm always dumbstruck when people say this shit to me. How am I supposed to respond? Laugh? I don't think so. I'm not gonna dignify your faggotry with a snicker or a courtesy laugh.

Here's an example:

I'm sitting in the office, trying to get over my lunch coma, sipping some tea. My older male coworker comes over and asks if I can make a map for him. I say "yeah sure man..sounds good".

Rather than leave it at that, he proceeds to tell me that our client, who is the ultimate recipient of this map, has really big feet, and big hands...and you know...chicks dig guys with big feeT!!! because that means they have big dicks too! yah get it?! whacka whacka whacka!!!

Ugh. old man dicks are not, and never were, funny. its goddamned repulsive.

....Now wait a minute, just wait....don't get me wrong. I enjoy a good joke (dirty or otherwise), it can be funny in the right time and place. Some of the best office jokesters say some of the most ridiculous bullshit.

But there's a few things that you need to bust out a great one-liner or joke:

1. a receptive audience
2. Wit/charisma/cleverness
3. a situation that calls for it.

Most people can get away with a good joke when #'s 1 and 3 line up. you don't need much of number 2 if you wait for the right situation. The key is recognizing when the above elements are coming together...stray even a razor-line away and you look like a massive douchebag.

If you can't master any of these, don't try.

Next time you want me to make a map for your project, don't tell me the client has a big dick. When our female co-workers walk away, don't make some remark about their butts or boobs, just because they happened to walk away and I'm the only guy standing around. Believe me, there's plenty of funny things to say about our female coworkers without resorting to something you expect from a drunk uncle.

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